Hiding in plain sight

By Ashley Chandler

Harlan High School

Shanel Ivy, 18, is a graduating high school senior at Lindblom Math and Science Academy in West Englewood. She scored a 28 on her ACT and has a cumulative GPA of 3.1. She has been accepted at multiple universities, but chose Milliken University in Decatur, Ill., where she will join the freshman class this fall to begin a double major in mathematics and childhood education.

It wasn’t supposed to end this way for Shanel.

Shanel used to be a troubled teenager who, like most, saw school as a social matter, rather than a learning opportunity. It wasn’t until she faced deep personal problems that she began to jump into reality.

She was a sophomore in high school when her father began to abuse her. “It [the beatings] began when I started getting into it with my stepmother,” Shanel said. “My daddy felt like I was wrong and she wasn’t.”

Along with the physical abuse and scars came emotional instability. Her mother had abandoned her at an early age. “[I felt] that nobody loved me,” Shanel said. “That I was an outsider and nobody could understand me. Like they never wanted to see how I felt, or my side of the story.”

Did her mother’s absence play a role in the abuse? “Very much so. She’s the reason why I don’t like women,” Shanel said. “I feel like I can’t trust them. I have a lot of resentment toward them and that’s why me and my stepmother get into it.”

Shanel began to feel like the misunderstood teenager. An outcast whose own family couldn’t see the pain they had caused. To her friends, she was strong-minded, caring, honest and outspoken. But to her own eyes, she saw herself as worthless, unloved and unhappy. Her poor self-esteem may be a result of what she went through--her struggle and her survival--and the simple insecurities that lie within many teenage girls.

Dressed in long-sleeve shirts and hoodies that hid her scars, Shanel appeared fine on the outside. However, inside lay the faded scars of a bruised past. Not only did she need to be strong at this time but she also needed a friend.

“The first person I told was my friend because she noticed the bruises. Then, I told my advisory teacher and she took me to the office to talk to the counselors,” Shanel said.

It is not easy for a youth who has been mistreated by a caretaker to trust any adult but this is an essential part of the healing process, according to a 2010 report by the Illinois Childhood Trauma Coalition.

From that point on it was friendship and perseverance that helped get her through the tough times. Afterward, Shanel said she “put on a front” to get through everyday life.

The Power of Friendship

Even though Shanel has difficulty getting along with females, we became friends fairly easy. Shanel and I first met at our freshman orientation in 2007. My first thought was that she looked cool and content and that I should go over and speak to her. She was someone I wanted to know. However, I never got the opportunity to speak to her until the school began to hold icebreakers and we ended up in the same group. One conversation led to another and we quickly changed from stranger to acquaintance. As the weeks went by, we became best friends and then sisters.

Shanel recalled the start of the friendship. “We just clicked, we were talking and it was like an instant attraction--not to be gay or anything. It was just like you understood where I came from and you didn’t judge me, and that’s all I wanted. Not to be judged,” she said.

Even after I left Lindblom at the end of our sophomore year in 2009, we remained close friends. Shanel once told me that our friendship was “different because we were/are a whole lot alike.” I believe our friendship works well because we like the same things, neither of us favor being friends with too many females and we get along with one another fine. Our friendship happened because we needed each other whether we knew it or not and that God works in mysterious ways. She needed me to help her and I needed someone to help.

Once Shanel opened up to her friends, it made her life a lot easier. There were many talks and tears. “It was friends, Xavier (my boyfriend at the time) and self-motivation,” she said. “With all of this, I felt like I could get through anything.”

We helped her feel more comfortable around other people, and let her know that we would always be there for her no matter how close or how far. Nonetheless, it remains a concern of mine how well Shanel will cope with other females. I do know that when necessary (rarely) she can get along with females.

I’m a survivor

Today, Shanel’s life has taken on a more positive note. Once she was out of the home, the beatings stopped, and now she is on her way to college, and she is finally happy with herself.

“Some children are resilient and can tolerate higher levels of stress and adversity,” according to an Illinois Childhood Trauma Coalition report. And there are other signs of hope.

“Risk factors are not predictive factors because of protective factors,” noted-Chicago psychiatrist Dr. Carl Bell wrote in the study “Moving Beyond Survival Mode.” “In other words, just because someone goes through bad things doesn’t mean their life will take a turn for the worst.”

“I’m so excited, I feel like it’s a fresh start for me,” Shanel said. “I can get away and just rebuild myself without worrying about these people bringing me down, like they have all this time. Can’t wait.”

Shanel’s advice for teens: “Persevere! Never give up or let anyone tell you that you can’t make it through. It’s all about you, you can make it. If you want it, you can have it. And in the end everything’s gonna be all right.”

Ashley Chandler, a straight-A graduating senior from Harlan Community Academy, will be attending Northern Illinois University-De Kalb in the fall to study family and childcare services or event planning.