Physical and emotional scars

How to recognize domestic abuse

Domestic abuse — also called domestic violence, battering or intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. Men are sometimes abused by partners, but domestic violence is most often directed toward women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual or same sex relationships.

It might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. You might be experiencing domestic violence if you're in a relationship with someone who:

* Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
* Prevents you from going to work or school
* Stops you from seeing family members or friends
*Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear
* Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
* Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
* Threatens you with violence or a weapon
* Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
* Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
* Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
* Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual

-- Compiled from the Mayo Clinic; www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044

By Linzell Stackhouse

Al Raby High School

If you think there is no consequence to hitting a woman or verbally abusing her, you’re wrong.

Many teenage girls suffer from abuse. According to the National Center for Victims of Crime (NCVC), 50 to 80 percent of teens reported they knew someone involved in a violent relationship

Some women may not be aware of the signs of an abusive relationship, said Christina C. Wilson, director of the victim-services task force at the Family Violence Coalition at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. Women may fall victim to an abusive relationship because they’re confused about what abuse really is.

“Women need more education on the topic” she said. “If women are more aware of an aggressive relationship, they can be more likely to avoid it.”

Pop music can also have a negative influence on abuse, said Sarah Ozello, a special projects coordinator at Nationwide. Ozello said some people may find verbal abuse OK because the song lyrics they hear may demean women.

“The negativity has been going on for a while and isn't helping the situation,” Ozello said.

That kind of abuse can have a negative impact on children, said Leah McClellan, a freelance writer and editor who runs the website Peaceful Planet (www.peacefulplanetcommunication.com). As a child, McClellan saw her parents argue and she remembers the feelings of fear and anger that bubbled inside her when they fought.

“I felt afraid, worried and nervous but also angry at the both of them,” she said. “Any kind of abuse is wrong, verbally, physically and emotionally.”

“Any one of these feelings could lead to children having low self-esteem and later repeating the same violent behavior as their parents,” said Rahel Rasul, 29, a freelance writer originally from California who told her story in a recent issue of Columbia College’s Echo magazine. “[I] definitely think kids pick up these bad habits from adults around them and soon find themselves in abusive relationships,” Rasul said.

Rasul should know. As a teen, Rasul was involved in an on-again-off-again abusive relationship for years. She thought she was safe after leaving him for good. But that changed when two men grabbed her in broad daylight in the middle of a parking lot.

One of the men spilled a liquid onto her face, burning it. When a witness saw the attack, the two men ran, leaving Rasul with acid burns that still cover most of neck and cheeks.

Though she cannot prove it, Rasul believes her ex was involved in planning the attack.

“It took me a while to bounce back,” said Rasul, who now lives in Chicago.

Abusive relationships can have a serious effect on people, female and male. Jim Schwartz, principal at Al Raby High School on the West Side, said it wasn’t OK to abuse anyone, regardless of age or gender, even if a woman struck first.

If that happened to him, “I would probably protect myself,” he said, “or try to walk away.”

Schwartz has seen abusive relationships before, though mainly in the workplace. In those instances, he said he wasn’t sure if it was his place to intervene.

But if it got too out of hand, “I would try to intervene,” Schwartz said.

In the end, people need to be more aware of the people they get involved with and be on the lookout for aggressive relationships.

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